It is no secret I am dreading turning 30, I don’t want to get old, however I realise that I also don’t want to not get old either. For getting old means I am living and for being alive I am grateful.
I have followed the EqualLoveEqualRights campaign for a little while now and I knew that when the documentary ‘Bridegroom’ came out I would have to see it. I have just watched it and as a result sobbed my heart out.
Bit of background for those that do not know.
Shane Bitney Crone and Tom Bridegroom both grew up in old fashioned towns in separate states in the USA. They both struggled with accepting they were gay. Shane lived a difficult life during his later time at school and as people found out about his sexuality, although he had never openly admitted being gay, he was bullied and excluded even by adults. He knew he wanted to get out and moved to LA at 18. It was there that he was introduced to Tom and overtime they realised what a similar battle they had faced and found comfort in each other.
They fell in love, bought a house, started a business, adopted a dog and travelled some of the world together. Tom’s parents did not accept his lifestyle choice although his Mum appeared to come to terms over time. Shane’s family were more supportive and adored Tom. They had lots of friends and were very popular in LA and lived their life to the max. They vowed that when gay marriage was legalised and their rights were able to be the same as male/female marriage they would themselves get married.
Just after his 29th Birthday and after 6 years of being with Shane, Tom died in a tragic accident. Due to them not being legally family it was a battle for Shane to even see him in hospital, fortunately the nurses finally agreed albeit after he had died. Then Tom’s Mum came to visit to collect some belongings and arrange his funeral. She told Shane and his family that she would inform them of the details and when his body was released she returned to Indiana and never contacted him again.
Shane heard from Toms friends that he wasn’t welcome at the funeral and that for his own safety he should stay away.
All of this was allowed to happen because Tom’s parents wouldn’t acknowledge their son was gay, they said he was a sinner and that they would get him help. They did not respect his love for his partner Shane and as a result erased Tom’s LA life from his funeral and remembrance.
From watching Bridegroom you can see that Tom was not only beautiful on the outside but also the inside. The love between Shane and Tom that has been captured over the years is apparent, even though not intentional.
Not only do I think it is a tragedy if people do not get to experience this love in their lifetime (i’m still hopeful for me) but it is an even bigger tragedy if anyone would try and deny some one of it.
I hope that more and more US states legalise marriage equality and that love that is this sacred can be rejoiced.